Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (But Not There Yet...)

 A moving moment between Oskar Schell (Thomas Horn) and his mother (Sandra Bullock).

Hi there everybody,

Well, sorry for that long hiatus since last week's landmark post. I hadn't planned to get so revealing, but that is what this blog will demand. Anyway, the two posts I wanted to do last night ended up getting pushed back to today. However, I have now returned in full force to give you, at last, my post of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

I had been wanting to see this movie from the day I saw the preview. Usually, when I see previews in the movie theater, I just shake my head, and want to get to the damn movie I came to see. Previews usually look nearly identical and because of this, they don't mean very much to me, you know. However, when I saw the premise of this one, I knew I had to see it.

I'll say right up front that I am biased, somewhat, in favor of Extremely Loud. Because the clips features the young boy, about 11, 12, 13 years old, around the time of 9/11 (that's about the same age I was at that time), and the kid was sad, overwhelmed, but he still took on a lot of challenge in searching for the place for this key. It was really inspirational to see, because when I was in the sixth or seventh grade, I felt really defeated by life, and overwhlemed by all the sights, sounds, and goings on I was encountering in the world. Even the name Extrmely Loud and Incredibly Close feels like life feels to me often. Plus, this boy's life (Oskar is his name) was torn apart by 9/11. So to say that from what I saw, it came very close to my heart, would be a very accurate statement.

However, that said, there were significant faults with this movie. There were many points in the sequence and the plot of Extremely Loud that just did not add up. Now, I don't want to give away too much here, because I highly, highly believe you should see it, or at least netflix it, when it is available. However, in Oskar's search for this key's corresponding lock (likely found in a post box or a safe deposit box), the outcome is left inconclusive, because the theme of the movie changes toward the end. What? You mean you're gonna devote half the movie to this quest, and then you're not gonna say anything about what the search produced? It's one thing to shift your focus, still, you could have at least one scene explaining the outcome of this expedition, and the effect it had on the others involved.

Those plotholes notwithstanding, the characters were what really drove the story, and gave it its credibility. First of all, the centerpiece of this film is the Schell family, with young Oskar, and his parents, played by Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock. Oskar comments that his father, an unusual jeweler "never treated him like a kid," involving his son in all kinds of projects, cartography, and searches. His father tells him of a lost "Sixth Borough" of New York City, and keeps Oskar guessing. Oskar's fears continue to haunt him, like one scene when his father insists that he go on the swing, but Oskar is scared of swing rides, and refuses, leaving his Dad to pout away in a disappointed huff.

One bright morning in early September, terror strikes. Oskar's father went to a meeting high up in the World Trade center, on what Oskar calls "the worst day." After the flights slam into the towers, Thomas, the father, makes several distress calls home "Oskar, are you there?" This is the most raw, jarring part of the film. Just the panic, the sudden ripping of a loved one out of life, really carries this part. Later, reviewing picture accounts of the attack, Oskar finds a man jumping from the building to his death, who resembles his father. Again, it's that image of something so engulfing, so horrible, that it would make someone want to jump to their death, and that happening to someone you love and value, that really tears at the heart, and makes you cry. That's what hurts me when I think about people I care about dying. That imagery stuck with me.

For a whole year after the attack, Oskar will not look at his father's belongings, not being able to face it anymore. Then one night he looks in his closet, and knocks a blue vase off the shelf. As it shatters, it reveals a small envelope, with only the name Black written on it, and a key inside. Now Oskar embarks on the big search, in order that it might resurrect some important part of his father's life. This epic search takes him to every person in New York City named Black. This forces Oskar to go up and talk to a lot of people, which is difficult for Oskar to do.

Sometimes, the people Oskar meets are scary at first, like the renter in his grandmother's apartment. His grandmother doesn't tell him why the renter is dangerous, just that he must be left alone. One night, his grandmother is missing. In the apartment complex, he confronts his fear, and goes into the renter's apartment. He finds only an old man, who doesn't speak, only communicating with quickly written notes. Oskar comes to suspect that the man is, in point of fact, his long-lost grandfather. I thought so, too, since the man looks so much like Tom Hanks.

Throughout all this, Oskar has his own unique character development. For a young boy his age, he wields an extraordinary amount of knowledge on many fronts, but he is also cantankerous and impatient with people. He hustles the old man around with him, and a few times, lashes out severely at his mother. He even proclaims "I wish it was you instead of Dad!" A few moments later, he comes up and says softly "I didn't really mean that." She replies "Yes you did." Clearly Oskar has his dark side. However, there is this essential feeling of vulnerability to him. One scene, he lists, and begins screaming out, all the things in the city that startle or terrify him: crowds, trucks, bridges, subways, airplanes, loud sounds. Throughout the film, Oskar slowly confronts fears, and starts to mellow out by the end.

The above scene got a huge laugh from the audience. It's a good example of something that you laugh at, but you can also connect with. Not that you would want to put on a gas mask when you take the subway, but we've all had times, especially when we're little, that we've had to confront big, scary things. I know lots of times when I was a kid, I had no choice but to go in and get into the thing that made me scared. Maybe you have had that happen, too.

Anyway, soon, it becomes revealed that the point of all this is not just the search itself. It is about dealing with the death of this inspirational father figure. It is in these moments that the movie shows its real strength. There may have been flaws in the execution, but this movie had a lot of heart. Thomas Horn, in his first big role here as Oskar, really showed that he has strength as an actor. Tom Hanks, of course, has a simplicity and identifiable-ness to his role as the father. Any movie with Tom Hanks has an extra degree of credibilty to it, in my book. Sandra Bullock also worked surprisingly well for her role, too, though I find it hard to believe that she would let Oskar go out into all those strange, possibly very dangerous, encounters all alone.

However, that leads to my next point, a key part of the movie. The characters, and the premise, aren't exactly believable. You wouldn't look at it and say, "Oh, yeah, that's totally true!" By the same token, the whole thing isn't totally un-believable, either. Many of the traits of this family weren't exactly part of the "every-family," but they made sense to me somehow. I could see how that would be possible. A lot of brilliant people, when they were young, were really restless, impatient, sometimes downright prickly. I admit I was difficult when I was little. Those same people often have lots of fear, or pain. This makes for complex, deep characters, which is what makes a movie grab you, and never let you forget. So, for all its faults Extremely Loud had a lot of heart. You can't fault it for that.

I know that it's currently Oscars season, and all the movies are hamming up their dramatic credentials, but I think this one came from a deeper place of creativity. This has to do with how we deal with loss, and how we choose to honor our lost loved ones. This is especially true of a horrifying death, like the one Oskar's father suffered. On that note, I have a little sketch I did four years ago that I'd like to show you.

I started out to do this as a quick sketch of a candlelight vigil, but it became more detailed, dark in texture, and soulful. You can see that the two women are huddled together in darkness, with only the light of the candles they hold. This is a simple expression of what Extremely Loud conveys, that it is about bringing people together, and transcending their suffering. To go after the goal set out for him by his father, Oskar must connects with people of all races, classes, and social types. Then, he must connect with his mother, and his own family. That's what amazed me about it, was the bringing together of all these different types of people. They all have that burden of going through losses together.

Think of that the next time you're in some crowded public place, that all of the people you see have, or will have to, deal with sadness, loss, and ultimately their own death. The thing that hurts everybody actually brings us together. Thanks everybody! I'll have some more good material for you guys in the next few days.

See ya, and keep wondering, folks!

Cats & Dogs in the Afterlife

Hi everyone,

I just finished this one up today. It took me a while, because I needed to find a picture of my old dog, Lucy, whom I mentioned. Like I said, she died a long time ago, about 8 years ago, and we've digitized our old photo album pictures since then. So it took me a while to dig it up. I managed to put up a picture of her below.

I think this was taken back in 1999. She was in Denver at this time, as she went to live with my grandparents. I remember being really happy to see her when I would go visit them. I just loved petting her, and being happy to see her, and the fact that she was just so furry. Lucy was an Australian shepard, amd I get the feeling, looking back now, that she was probably a farm dog at heart. Like Fuzz, we adopted Lucy (I think she was from a shelter, but I do not remember how we got her). My parents say she was a nervous dog. Being couped up in an urban house with a small backyard probably made her stir-crazy. I have a feeling if we had lived on a wide-open pasture, she would have been right at home. Anyway, she was a damn good pet to have.

The week Lucy died was not a good week for me personally. There was other bad stuff going on in my life, and that came on top of it all. Unfortunately, we hadn't gotten to see her regularly in the last few years of her life. Back when we first adopted Fuzz, I wondered whether it was disrespectful to Lucy. Then I wondered what it would be like if Lucy and Fuzz had been around at the same time, whether they would get along. It seemed mismatched to own a dog, and then own a cat.

This brings me to one of the central points of this post, and this artwork. Dogs and cats, as creatures, are usually pitted against each other. People see dogs and cats as polar opposites, hence the above movie poster. "Dog people" are supposed to dislike cats, "cat people" are supposed to dislike dogs. This makes me really sad. I like to say that I like both dogs and cats, having owned one of each. It's fun to have all that outward energy and enthusiasm of a dog, like Lucy. The way she used to go after people was sometimes nervewracking for us, but she was a lot of fun for us, too.

Fuzz, on the other hand, was decidedly not a nervous, well, for lack of a better term, personality. Fuzz was not even afraid of dogs. One day, a woman who was walking a rather large dog, asked us if "that little grey cat that was following them" was ours. That was a a surprise reversal of events. Many people think of cats as being aloof, antisocial with people. Fuzz was not that way. Yes, she was solitary, as many cats are, but she would happily introduce herself to people. However, I think Lucy and Fuzz would enjoy each other's company, although they say a dog and a cat take some time to get used to each other.

That's why I got the idea to draw this. It was meant to be a representation of Lucy and Fuzz in the Animal Afterlife together. I drew it as if it were in Colorado or Utah or Wyoming, at the foot of the Rockies. I had no real specific reason for this, I just got the impulse, and I am fascinated by the topography found in these places. This was another landscape involving mountains. Mountainscapes are tricky to capture, but I really enjoy doing them, and seeing the whole thing come together.

I also did this as a late-afternoon, early-evening piece. I love playing with this quality of light. Again, it is a challenge, but I love seeing it come together. In this illustration, you can see that I had difficulty with the light on the grass. I wasn't certain of how the shadows of the grass blades were going to reflect. So I colored in the grass itself, then the light, then the shadow. It came out as an interesting blend of green, orange, and dark.

The source of light here is also particularly important. Notice the shaft of sunlight coming over the mountain. This was intended as religious symbolism. Usually, shafts of sunlight, especially coming down through the clouds, are used in images evocative of God. I have noticed this so much that I have taken to calling such shafts of light "God Beams." Below is just one sample of such an illustration.

See if you can think of any similar images you have seen. I like to use such images from time to time in my own works. I did in my illustration of the Divine Feminine figure clutching an M16 rifle. I do it to keep in touch with that deep, unitary dimension of the Unknown that connects all of us. It finds many expressions in religions, but the religions of the world have their own human flaws and moorings that hinder this expression. In my drawing and storytelling, I like to connect it back with that Spirit. I am still uncommitted on whether to call it God, in the Abrahamic sense, but this does It some justice.

My point was to show Lucy and Fuzz united together in the Great Unknown. I had wondered if they would one day be together, and now they are, and I did this as a celebration, in a way, of that fact. Not of her being dead, but her being in a Peaceful Place now. For Fuzz, I am glad, not that she left, but that she left the way that she did. Even though it was a painful surprise, with how it happened, we did enjoy all of our time together with her. We enjoyed her company up until the very last day. There wasn't a pall of dread hanging over our relationship for the last few weeks or months before she died. If nothing else, I am thankful for that.

Over these past few days, I have mellowed slightly in the emotions I have gone through. I still have flashes of sadness, but it seems to have dissipated quicker than I thought. In a way, I am concerned that I am not more troubled by Fuzz's death. Odd, but sometimes, I feel like the lack of a really potent emotion indicates apathy, even though I do not feel it. Then when the sadness does come, it is always too powerful and overwhelming, and I try to get away from it.

I hope this drawing can be a celebration of Fuzz's life, as well as my love for the pets, past and present, in my care. Even though my level of sadness has gone up and down, I still feel, on the whole, like I want to keep my life as quiet as I can, to honor Fuzz's memory. I don't know exactly why, but that's how I have felt since I learned of her passing. I do feel, however, that I am on the way to doing what I set out to, to moving my life forward, but never letting Fuzz just fade out or be forgotten. I intended this as a testament to the memory of Lucy and Fuzz, both of whom gave and received much joy in their worlds.

See ya, and keep wondering, folks!

Pet Memorials, and "Long or Short Posts?"

Hi there my peoples,

Well, today has been a little easier, so far, to deal with, than yesterday was. I guess now that Fuzz has discovered her new home in in Cat Heaven, I am a little more at ease down on Earth. Most of yesterday, I'd see some shadow in the corner of my eye around the house, and I'd think it was her, then I'd be hit anew with the shock of her being gone. Just the thought of her dying, leaving us, and being away, in the most drastic and ultimate sense, really tore at my heart.

Today, the same waves of grief that I described yesterday are still crashing (going from feeling okay about it to being totally devastated). However, today, they are less intense. I know they will never totally go from my life; I'm okay with that. Now I am grappling with the goal I set out yesterday night. I want to deal with the grief, but make sure her memory and spirit are always honored as part of my life.

One thing the great article on losing your pet that I read yesterday mentioned was to construct a memorial to the deceased critter. This is what I am working on now. Yesterday, another shocker was seeing all her food dishes and litter box out in the garage. All of Fuzz's accessories from the kitchen, but no Fuzz. They had all been layed out so methodically just one day earlier.

I decided we should give away, or donate most of the stuff. However, I will keep her milk saucer as a reminder of the wonderful effect she had on my life. Keeping that spirit and those memories present and real is my prime goal. I do not want time to diminish the importance of Fuzz.

This (Fuzz's milk saucer) will be part of our little Fuzz memorial

Anyway, on to another functional question about the blog itself. First, I read a couple of the posts to some of my family, who are my first readers. They said that the average internet reader is looking to read a short blurb, since they aren't willing to focus for very long. I understand this, although the subjects that I offer up for these posts and the way I naturally write often demands that go longer, sometimes much longer and more in depth, than I expect.

I like to introduce my subject, then talk about the issues, then lay out my view, backing up my view when necessary, and reconcile mine with those of others. Now, sometimes I include more sources and graphics, if I am talking about a big issue. Other times I like to talk about it in the context of some interaction I just had with someone. So my favorite thing to do is to tie in the big-picture issues with the little interactions I have in life.

This gives more reality to said issue, beyond it being a theoretical argument. I seldom used to find chances to connect the "micro-world" with the "macro-world," as I like to put it. This blog offers me a chance to do that. I would like to know what you think of it. Would you read this more if I wrote shorter blurbs on my drawings and others' works of art that I encounter, or can you read my longer entries without glazing over? I will wind up using both, but I would like to know what you think. Please comment on it.

Speaking of comments, I heard that some of my relatives had trouble putting a comment up. People being able to write in and respond to these entries is a key point of this blog. My dream is that someday, someone will find this blog, read an entry, and be sufficiently motivated to comment. It is that back-and-forth, the conversationality of it, that I would really love to get going. So please tell me, are you having any trouble logging in? I know Blogger is not the most up-to-date way of publishing, but it's worked for me in the past, and I already had an account with them.

Also, what do you think I should use as an opening line? All I could really think of was "Hi there," which I will likely do until I find something else that grabs me. I'd like to hear ideas from you guys though. Like I said, this is about a give and take between you and me.

See ya, and keep wondering folks!